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25 June 2006 @ 12:20 am
June 25th, 2006  
This week's newsletter includes:
  • Conan to LA in 2009?

  • Episode Recaps: June 13-16, 2006

  • This Week’s Schedule

  • Extras: Late Night Videos and Screen Caps

  • Fan of the Week

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This Week in Conan

Conan to LA in 2009?

In an interview with Conan by Bob Sirott (of NBC 5 Chicago) from May 3, 2006, Conan said it's in his Tonight Show contract that NBC will decide the location of the Tonight Show when he takes over as host in 2009. The dilemma is whether Conan will move to Los Angeles or the Tonight Show will move to New York City.

In the June 21, 2006 interview with Adam Sandler on Late Night, Conan and Adam seemed to subconsciously confirm that Conan will be moving to LA when he takes over as host of the Tonight Show. The transcript follows:

Conan: “We both grew up on the east coast, and I’m raising my 2 kids on the east coast right now. What’s it like raising your family on the west coast? Is it different there? How are you going to stay connected to your kid if they’re growing up in a completely different part of the country?”

Adam: “That’s right, Conan. You’re going to see - in a few years - your kids are going to be in LA and you gotta watch that. You’ve got to make sure that you’ve got New York in your child.”

--Download the video.


Date: Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Guests: Julia Stiles, Louis CK, & Be Your Own Pet

Act I – Monologue & Comedy Bits
Conan comes onto the stage as usual. In between the first “buttoning & unbuttoning” of his jacket, he licks his finger then touches his side making a sizzling sound. There was no string dance. He remarks after the crowd’s cheering had died down, “Wow, what an incredible reaction; and three of them were sincere!” The monologue consisted of eight jokes:
*(1st, my daily quotable) “Earlier today, President Bush made a surprise visit to Baghdad. Did you know that?” There is little reaction from the audience prompting Conan to say, “Do you know who I am?” Conan laughs then impersonates the audience saying, “We’re lookin’ for a movie theater…” [audience laughs] He continues: “Big Story. Apparently the president was confused by all the destruction, because the first thing he said was, ‘Hello Detroit!’
The remainder of the monologue covered the following:
*Death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
*Texas web-cams to watch for illegal aliens
*Tipper Gore supporting her husband, but according to Conan, refusing to watch his movie (this joke received many groans from the audience.)
*US loosing to the Czech Republic 3-0 in the World Cup
*Kevin Federline claiming he wants to get into movies - Conan says that by ‘movies’ he means NetFlix. (There is a delayed reaction from the audience in the form of applause. Conan acknowledges their pity and impersonates them again, saying, “Let’s help him…he looks sad.”
*Paris Hilton claiming to be single for the first time in her life
*Fans threatening to sue Barbra Streisand because she’s touring again after claiming that her tour five years ago was to be her last one. Conan claims that the judge is throwing out the case on the grounds that it’s “too gay”.
Conan segues into announcing the guests by saying they had an “excellent show”. He introduces Max Weinberg & the Max Weinberg 7 and they play him to the desk with The Beatles’s “Penny Lane”. (note: The last time MW7 played a Beatles tune, “Magical Mystery Tour”, Conan remarked that Max should choose something cheaper next time. He didn’t remark on tonight’s song at all, though.)

At the desk, Conan went immediately into the first comedy bit. He said he was going to show some World Cup game highlights for Team USA. They cut away to footage of one of the games, with Queen’s “We Are the Champions” playing in the background. The clip lasted only about three seconds, eliciting many laughs from the audience. Conan then told the audience that Julia Stiles would be out shortly to promote her new movie, The Omen, which opened on 6-6-06. A man in the audience, played by Brian McCann, then interjected, saying, “Oh, how dare you!! How dare you put up that devilish propaganda for all of us who are gathered to view an hour of clean and upstanding entertainment, Conan?!! Eich..” “Come on…it’s a movie; it’s just a movie,” Conan replies. “Oh, it’s only a movie,” says the man, “a movie attempting to turn us all into Beelzebub’s minions.” “It’s not trying to turn us into Beelzebub’s minions, whatever that means,” says Conan. “Just take it easy. Rela..” The man interrupts saying, “No, YOU take it easy! I, for one, refuse to sit idly by while you attempt to lure us into your fiery den of depravity. Shame on you, Conan! Shame on you for spitting in the face of wholesome family values! You, sir, disgust me! I’m out of here.” The man then gets up, throws off the knit sweater he had around his shoulders, and begins slowly walking up the stairs, out of the studio. As he stands up, you can see his full outfit of fishnet stockings, a tight blue speedo, and t-shirt with the words ‘Fun Hole’ printed on the back in big black letters with an arrow pointing downward. The audience laughs hysterically. “Alright then…,” says Conan. “Those shirts not available at the NBC store.” [audience boos] “I’m sorry! I keep tellin’ ‘em! You’d sell a lot of these! [laughs] You’d know I’d wear one.” He tells Jeff they should sell them, but “they’re too busy trying to sell Joey mugs.” [audience laughs] “Let’s get those Fun Hole shirts on the street!” He bangs the big microphone on his desk a few times, then points to the camera and says, “Too Gay!! [Conan & audience laugh] …I’m an ass.”

Conan then begins the third comedy bit of Act I by introducing a new made for TV movie that NBC is supposedly making about recent events in Iraq. He asks the audience if they’d like to hear who was cast in the movie, and they cheer loudly. “Thanks, applause sign!” he says in a high-pitched voice, then continues to joke about how the audience only claps when the sign lights up. For the ‘Made For TV Movie’ bit, the following were listed as the cast: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, played by Dom DeLuise / Muntada al-Sader played by Turtle from “Entourage” / Saddam Hussein played by Pierce Bronson / Osama bin Laden played Scotty Pippin (After this one, the camera cuts back to a laughing Conan who asks to see it again, “I love it,” he remarks.) / Tony Blair played by Henry Gale from “Lost” / Dick Cheney played by Dakota Fanning (Conan imitates Cheney’s creepy smile and tries to figure out how they got him to make that face. “Did they hang a ham in front of him?”) / Tony Snow played by Herman Munster / Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, played by Jafar from “Aladdin” / Condoleezza Rice played by James Brown / Donald Rumsfeld played by Lord Voldemort / Anne Coulter played by Fabio / the two 500 pound bombs that killed Zarqawi played by Ben Affleck movies, “Surviving Christmas” & “Jersey Girl” / and finally… George W Bush played by Stevo from Jackass. [commercial]

Act II – interview with Julia Stiles (promoting movie: “The Omen”)
Conan kisses her on the cheek. After sitting down, she asks if it was ok that they kissed. “Well, I made you kiss me. ‘Get in here!’ My wife will hit me with a pan later,” says Conan. They talk about her throwing out the first pitch for a Mets game. Conan says he would be terrified to do that. Stiles remarks that Conan could probably just hand it to the catcher. “Well, I am over 19 feet high,” replies Conan, who then begins waving his arms about and growling like Frankenstein. Stiles says she was proud to have gotten the ball over the plate. Conan says that he might forget how to use his arms and legs, do something weird, everyone would laugh, and he would run away crying. Conan then told her he envied actors because they often get to travel the world and sample different cuisine. He asks Stiles if she is an adventurous eater. Stiles tells about a trip to Germany where she participated in a “blind bar” where you eat a meal in complete darkness and have to guess what you’re eating. Conan thought it was very strange. [commercial] They begin talking about “The Omen”. Conan talks about seeing it when the first one came out and how scary he thought it was. He asks Stiles if she knows why Harvey Stephens, the original actor playing Damien, didn’t really continue acting after that movie. Stiles says he makes a cameo in the new movie, but the reason he didn’t continue acting was probably because when he was seven years old walking down the street, people thought he was the devil. “I got through that; it was fine,” says Conan …[points] “the red headed devil!” Conan asks about the new “Damien” and Stiles tells him that the actor’s name is a very Irish Seamus Fitzpatrick. “..[laughs] really…could have fooled me,” remarks Conan. He asks how her relationship was with the boy on set. She says that she’s glad he doesn’t go on interviews because he would probably say that she was mean to him. Stiles says she kept a distance from Fitzpatrick because their characters were supposed to have a bad relationship. Conan says she can remedy this by doing another movie where they’re buddy cops. She decides to do a “Kindergarten Cop 2” with Fitzpatrick to redeem herself. Conan asks if he can be in it too, as Corky, the 6 foot tall kid. They then show a clip from “The Omen”, where Damien pushes Julia’s character off a stool and she falls off a balcony. “Man, kids are bad! I have a son at home. I’m not going home tonight!” says Conan. He then remarks that even though Stiles was sitting beside him he was still worried about her taking that fall. “I see a scene like that and I’m like ‘NO!’ but you’re fine. Everything’s good. Phew!” [commercial]

Act III – Reading of Upcoming Guests & Mid-Show Funny
Conan reads the upcoming guests from the little blue card. After this, he hears a doorbell ringing. Looking confused, he tells the person to come in. The visitor is Hannigan the Traveling Salesman, played by Brian Stack. “Who the hell are you? Are you a traveling salesman?” asks Conan. “A common assumption given my cheap suit and off-putting personality,” replies Hannigan. He then attempts to sell Conan “Doc Waxy’s Dental Floss: Used by mafia hit-men to strangle informants since 1922” and “the American Heritage Rick-Tionary,” prompting Conan to ask if he means ‘dictionary’. “Oh, the dictionary’s fine if you want universally accepted word-definitions,” says Hannigan, “but if you prefer glaringly inaccurate definitions scrawled in urine by my glue-sniffing half-brother, Rick, then it’s Rick-Tionary all the way.” He then goes on to try to sell Conan some jokes, such as this one: “Boy, that Kevin Federline sure is talented. If he rapped any better, he could get a job wrapping presents, or sandwiches, or sprained ankles… Sprained ankles get wrapped, don’t they? Ya, I’m pretty sure you don’t need a cast for those. [hits card out of his hand] Cash or layaway?” Conan is getting frustrated at this point and asks the salesman if he has anything at all that could be of use to him. “How about an SUV?” asks Hannigan. Conan: “An SUV??” Hannigan: “Yep, a suicidal unsociable viking; get out here, Gary!” Actor/writer Kevin Dorff then comes out dressed as a Viking pointing a gun to his head. Conan demands, “Get that suicidal Viking out of here!” “Are you sure??” asks Hannigan. “Before he blows his brains out, he’ll loot an Anglo-Saxon monastery for you!” Conan still refuses, prompting the salesman to tell him that he drives a hard bargain and that he will give him all the ‘products’ he listed, as well as “a three hour Scandinavian genital stomp for just twelve dollars even.” Conan asks what that is. “We’ll show you!” says Hannigan, “Gary, I’ll take off his pants and you stomp on his package!” “Oh, for God’s sake,” says Conan, as he tries to resist the two. [commercial]

Act IV – Interview with Louis C.K. (promoting TV show: “Lucky Louis” on HBO & comedy DVD: “One Night Stand”)
Conan congratulates CK on the premier of his show and his new baby. CK comments that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and jokes about how the baby is not safe with him because he’s so absent-minded. He says he doesn’t have friends anymore who don’t have kids, because he can’t relate to them. He then talks about the irony of expecting super-politeness from his children and zero-politeness from his friends. He comments that he is a bad parent, giving an example of lying to his child several times. He tells a story about his daughter catching him eating chocolates he wasn’t supposed to eat, so he told her they were black tomatoes. “I lie to her constantly,” says CK Conan then asks him about his own parents. He tells a story about how they sent him to “a camp for retarded kids” because they just found a camp in the phone book and sent him there. “So that’s the kind of parents I had, Conan. If I can beat that, I’m in good shape.” Conan then asks CK to set up the clip from “Lucky Louis”. He says it is a scene where his character and his wife are arguing about whether or not to have another child. “It’s directly from my life,” says CK [They show the clip then go to commercial.]

Act V – Musical guest: Be Your Own Pet (promoting: self-titled debut album & appearance at the 9:30 Club in Washington, DC)
The band consisted of two guitarists, a drummer, and female lead singer. The drummer & one of the guitarists had what looked like shaving cream on their faces. The music was wild and the musicians, particularly the lead singer, thrashed about the stage. I found it very strange and abrasive. All the band members looked very young. When Conan came to greet the band, one of the guitarists shook his hand and said something ending in “dude”. Conan then replied calling him the same, then saying to the camera, “I just said ‘dude’ and I’m 65 years old.” He then thanked the guests, The Max Weinberg 7, then signed off with “Bye everybody, bye!” They must have been short on time, because only the corporate logos appeared in the credits.
-- andyblitz4evr / Abby

Date: Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Guests: Rosie Perez, Morgan Pressel, Regina Spektor

If tonight’s show was a kissing partner it would have left a dry, tentative peck that barely grazed the viewer's cheek. In other words, it was nothing to get excited about. It was a subdued affair to say the least. Even the usually hyper Rosie Perez seemed more sober than usual-- probably because she was promoting a serious project (a documentary on Puerto Rico). Her best anecdote concerned her school days when she kissed a boy who told her she had bad technique. Another enterprising schoolmate named Juan, then volunteered to give her kissing lessons every day after school. Smart kid!

The show opened with a promising monologue. Sample: President Bush covered for his secret trip to Iraq by telling folks he was going to bed early to read. His handlers should probably try to find a more plausible excuse next time. The writers must have taken off early, because the monologue was followed by a rerun: previously shown film faux pas (an obese Marlin Brando falling through the floor and Irish dancers sinking the Titanic). The remaining guests, 18-year-old LPGA golfer, Morgan Pressel and singer Regina Spektor were not worth staying up for. Hopefully tomorrow's show will embrace this viewer with more passion. Tonight's show was not a kiss, but a miss.
-- redpompadour

Date: Thursday, June 15, 2006
Guests: Dane Cook, Shaun White, Dr. John

Act 1:
Conan began the show with his usual jump-spin. He then did the string dance and the “my body is HOT” stuff. He said it sounds like a tropical rainforest in there.
The monologue:
- Pres. Bush’s speechwriter is leaving the White House
- Pres. Bush apologized for criticizing a reporter for wearing sunglasses because the reporter is legally blind. He also apologized to Stephen Hawking for telling him to “get off his lazy ass”
- New immigrant program: Operation Return to Sender
- “Weekends with Maury and Connie” is cancelled.
- Olsen Twins turned 20 this week. They “celebrated with the same cake from last year.”
- Paris Hilton says she doesn’t need a man.
- Britney Spears criticized for changing diapers in a store and giving the dirty diaper to a salesclerk.

The desk bit:
Conan said that he’s wearing a new shirt and “boy is that shirt BLUE.” Then, he talked about Darryl Hannah’s recent protesting, and Darrell Hammond is protesting in the studio because he’s not allowed to do a Regis Philbin impression. He’s finally allowed to do the impression. Next, came Fabio’s “Secrets.” After that, another round of SAT Analogies. They were: Abe Lincoln/ George W. Bush, Britney Spears 2000/ 2006, Roger Ebert/Michael Jackson, Kenneth Lay/Donald Trump, Meredith Vieira/ Star Jones, Regular “Omen” viewer/Dick Cheney watching “Omen”, Mandy Moore/Nicole Richie, Muhammad Ali/Mike Tyson, Dwarfs/US Soccer Team, Tiger Woods/Clay Aiken.

Act 2:
Dane Cook was on to promote his new HBO show “Tourgasm.” Dane’s going to be throwing out the first pitch at Fenway Park, and Conan remarked that he lived 10 minutes away from there when he was a kid. Dane then said that he was never good at “legitimate” sports, but pillow-fighting and the like were awesome for him. Dane said he doesn’t want to dirtball the first pitch. Dane then told a story of him and his dad going to a ballgame together. Dane almost caught a ball, but the ball bounced and went another way. Dane’s dad told him, “You sucked in little league, and you suck now!” Conan then asked Dane if he’s really a sports fan, and Dane gave Conan tips on how to “blend in” during a conversation about sports. Conan said that he doesn’t really get into sports. [The recent add-in of the commercial break followed.]
Conan brought the conversation back to the days in Boston and Dane’s standup career starting there. Dane then brought up “The Combat Zone” in Boston, which is a prostitute hotspot. Dane and a friend got stopped in the Zone and had his cell phone stolen, and this happened back when cell phones first came out. Dane then said that the prostitute wanted chicken pot pie and a Fresca. Dane then said that his mom was getting a lot of calls from this prostitute because the only number on his phone was his home number. The prostitute called late at night and said that she needed the charger. Then, the conversation turned to Dane’s trademark SUperFInger, or SUFI. Then, “Tourgasm” was brought up, and it’s basically a chronicle of one of the tours. A man in the Late Night audience screamed out “Penn State” and Dane said he didn’t like the man’s attitude there. They then showed a clip of the comedians riding and crashing on Segways.

Act 3:
Conan O’Brien Hates my Homeland
The countries covered in this part of the long-running sketch include:
-Palau, and
Joel then gave the address to send your angry letters to:
Conan O’Brien Hates My Homeland
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Act 4:
Shaun White was on to promote his summer skateboarding competitions. Conan first brought up the gold medal win at the Torino Olympics and then Shaun’s invitation to an Oscar party. Conan asked if Shaun was wearing the medal at the Oscar party, and Shaun didn’t. Shaun did let a friend wear it somewhere, and it got dirty, so he had his mom get it dry-cleaned. Shaun said he met a few really famous people, like Tom Cruise and Elton John. Conan then brought up Shaun’s new line of snowboarding clothes, and he named a jacket “The Most Unholy Jacket Ever.” Shaun then said that it’s hard to transfer from snowboarding to skateboarding. Conan mentioned that Shaun was the first skateboarder to do a 1080. Conan said he’d lose count if he attempted a 1080.

Act 5:
A performance by Dr. John.
Dr. John’s on promoting his new CD “Mercernary”. Conan then ended the show with his usual “bye everybody, bye!”
-- xConanLurvex / Mallie

Date: Friday, June 16, 2006
Guests: Sandra Oh, Gordon Ramsay, Chris Isaak

Too Many Chefs, or What You Didn't See on Late Night

Conan didn't do the show without pants. . . . But he DID do the show without socks, emulating Matt Lauer who recently interviewed Britney Spears sans argyles.

Darrell Hammond didn't fall out of the rafters. . . . But he DID deliver another of his Regis Philbin impressions from that location.

An old lady didn't put a cat in a microwave after describing the rules of World Cup soccer. . . . Or DID she? Yes, in fact, she did. It was the funniest bit of the night. Afterward, a spokesman for the show explained that "Fluffy" wasn't hurt during the comedy segment. Then he stroked the microwave and said "Did that exploding cat scare you, Fluffy?"

Ronald McDonald did not beat Chef Boy ar Dee to a pulp. . . without the help of Mayor McCheese in a World Cup showdown between America and Italy's top food icons.

Actress Sandra Oh didn't give a boring interview and leave . . . She was given TWO boring interview segments in which she discussed her conservative upbringing and all the spicy roles she has played during her acting career. Ho hum.

Chef Gordon Ramsay didn't have enough time to reprimand Conan on his pasta-making talents, because of the extra long Sandra Oh interview . . . but he still managed to get bleeped more than a few times in the rushed, chaotic cooking segment of the show.

Singer Chris Isaak didn't get an interview segment on the show . . . but he should have. He's usually a witty interview subject and he would have been far more interesting than Sandra Oh.
-- redpompadour

This Week’s Schedule

The show schedule is subject to changes throughout the week--

Monday 6/26: Tina Fey, William Moseley, James Blunt (R 12/9/05)
Tuesday 6/27: Bonnie Raitt
Wednesday 6/28: Kevin Spacey, Strays Don't Sleep
Thursday 6/29: Orlando Bloom, Cheap Trick
Friday 6/30: Kate Bosworth, Arj Barker

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Screen Caps

Screen caps from June 23, 2006 – Conan & Bruce Springsteen

Screen caps from June 22, 2006 - monologue, Off-Broadway Shows, Kate Beckinsale, Tyrese Gibson, Will Gadd (iceberg climber)

Screen caps from June 15, 2006 - monologue, Conan rubbing his shirt, Darrell Hammond, Fabio Secrets, SAT Analogies, Dane Cook

Videos from recent episodes of “Late Night”

"Pay Me My Money Down" performed by Bruce Springsteen, the Seeger Sessions Band, Max Weinberg, Jerry Vivino, Mike Merritt, Scott Healey, Jimmy Vivino, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Thomas Haden Church - June 23, 2006

New Off-Broadway Shows - June 22, 2006

Cooking with Gordon Ramsay - June 16, 2006

Conan takes off his sock to be a better interviewer, a la Matt Lauer - June 16, 2006

Conan showing off his new electric blue shirt - June 15, 2006

Hannigan the Traveling Salesman - June 13, 2006

Fun Hole Guy - June 13, 2006

Miscellaneous “Late Night” Videos

Conan with his Chocolate Lucky Charms - February 4, 2005

Conan showing off the promotional Olympic hat NBC sent him - January 26, 2006

Conan showing off the promotional Olympic hat and vest NBC sent him - January 27, 2006

Anderson Cooper interview – May 26, 2006

In The Year 2000 reference on "Jeopardy" - June 7, 2006

Denis Leary interview - June 9, 2006

Name: Carol Fanning

Age: 19

A little something about you: I’m a college student from Dublin, Ireland who drives her friends mental with constant Conan topics! :)

When did you first start watching Conan? About 3 years ago I came across the show accidentally and have watched and taped religiously ever since.

Favorite episode of Late Night: I love every episode but I gotta say the one I went to of course!

Favorite guest: Jeff Goldblum is fantastic.

Favorite sketch/recurring segment: Actual Items (It is the very first segment ever!) and Clutch Cargo is fantastic!

Favorite character: Traveling Salesman. Or anything by Brian Stack

Have you ever seen a live taping? I traveled to NY in 2004 but Conan wasn’t there, but I got the studio opened up just for me on the NBC tour. I came back the following summer and tried on a Thursday but didn’t get in. I went back the next day at 3am, waited, and got in! I was in the 2nd row aisle seat. Brian McCann spoke to me. Conan shook my hand and growled at me twice! I nearly died! I’m moving to NY this summer for 3 months just to try see Conan again! :)

Want to become fan of the week? E-Mail your answers to the above questions to stephwearsshades@aol.com.

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Please email stephwearsshades@aol.com if you want to contribute one of the following things to our newsletter:

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*Euuuge thank you to andyblitz4evr, xConanLurvex, and redpompadour for the recaps!
*Episode recap screen caps provided by http://www.latenighttorrents.com/forum/
*Conan-OBrien.net screen caps by conansgoddess
*LN guest schedule provided by NBC Universal Media Village
*Compiled and edited by conansgoddess

Feel free to comment/make suggestions.
Conan's Goddessconansgoddess on June 25th, 2006 03:27 pm (UTC)
Conan is asking Adam like how he is going to relate to his child since Adam grew up on the east coast, but Adam is raising his child on the west coast. Cause apparently there's a big difference betweeen people who are raised on east vs. west coast?